If anyone wants a quick way of losing weight, this works wonders. Unfortunately, there’s a few nasty side-effects…

My head is full of cotton wool, my nose is producing more fluid than Kleenex ever expected, and someone has seen fit to squirt onion juice into my eyes. I look more zombie-like than Nick Frost at the end of “Shaun of the Dead”.

So, on attempting to purchase some self-medication in the local pharmacy, the last thing I expected to be asked was, “Is this for you?”. Upon answering with an affirmative grunt, the questioning continued.

“Have you used these before?”
“Ungh.”
“Be sure to read and retain the leaflet for full instructions.”
“Ungh.”

All I wanted was a cold remedy. I mean, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition…